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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27120772">Beware, Vampire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandwichBandit/pseuds/SandwichBandit'>SandwichBandit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Vampire, Crack Fic, F/F, Vampire Bellatrix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:14:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,923</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27120772</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandwichBandit/pseuds/SandwichBandit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A vampire moves into an abandoned castle. The Order tries to keep the citizens safe by warning them. However, despite their best efforts at teaching literacy, their signage isn’t able to keep people from the (probably evil) vampiress’ castle.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Bellatrix Black Lestrange</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>105</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Beware, Vampire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hermione sat quietly in a chair after being dragged to her fiancé’s town council meeting. Ron had assured her that times were changing and people were becoming more accepting of women in politics. However, despite the fact most of the council’s wise senior members were gone, she couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Albus Dumbledore died 5 winters ago and his successor, Alastor Moody died 3 weeks ago from the flu. To be blunt, the Order of Phoenix was screwed without a strong leader. </p><p>The council’s leadership fell to Arthur Weasley, her soon to be father-in-law, and not to insult her fiancé’s dad, but he just wasn’t as good as their previous leaders and it showed. The meeting was a complete mess. Hermione whose ideas were long disregarded was just there for the show. And boy was it something. </p><p>Apparently a vampire moved into the abandoned castle on the outskirts of town. Things were found dead. It started with small animals before moving up to larger farm animals. People thought it was wolves or some other predator until a man was found in his barn hung upside down by his feet without so much as a drop of blood in his body. It had to be the work of some intelligent being, a monster of some sort. </p><p>The man’s now widowed wife seemed distraught and yet somehow calm like she knew something. The town thought she might have killed him herself, her husband was known to be a belligerent drunk and would sometimes get rough and beat her, but his body was an unusual case. There weren't any signs of blunt force injuries, strangulation, or stabbing, excluding the small puncture wounds on the neck. The widow was found innocent and released, however, she disappeared not too long after. </p><p>Some townsmen said she was spirited away by the vampire, but Hermione figured she didn’t want to stick around and wait to see if they wanted to try her again until she was found ‘guilty’ of her husband’s death somehow.</p><p>Similar cases started popping up. The vampire was having a field day, feasting on the blood of the living. Less than stellar people were found dead and women went missing, vanishing without a trace. No bodies of them were ever found. It was like they never existed, yet their homes and all their belongings remained untouched. With the extreme frequency of attacks some people believed to have caught a glimpse of the creature and lived to tell the tale. That it wasn’t a vampire but a <em>vampiress</em>. Like that made all the difference. People were still dead after all. They did insist that said vampiress was seducing the women of the town and corrupting their virtues with a perverse deviancy. </p><p>Hermione did admit something strange was going on. She caught the passionate stares that some of the townswomen shared between each other when they thought people weren’t looking. On a different occasion she caught a couple sharing an intimate kiss together. Another time a different couple were holding hands, taking a stroll through the forest and enjoying their peaceful time together. </p><p>Sometimes Hermione wondered when she’d feel the same type of joy as them with her fiancé. When would she truly fall in love with him? Yes, she cared for him, but was it enough to marry him? Ron was her best friend from childhood so she should be happy to marry him, fall in love, and have kids together like everyone expected them to, but it didn’t seem right. Perhaps, she should call off the engagement, but that was a thought for a different day. </p><p>The meeting picked up. The Order was discussing their plan to prevent more missing women. The recurring thing in most of the new missing women cases were that they all displayed a similar enjoyment of the fairer sex. It was clear something was going between the lesbian community and the mysterious vampiress.</p><p>“We should put up caution rope and signage around the castle: ‘Beware Lesbians!’” Some man shouted like he came up with the magical solution. </p><p>Hermione suppressed her urge to laugh from the side where she sat back away from the discussion. She should have felt insulted he made it on to the council yet she didn’t, but at this point she was happy to watch a disaster unfold. It made living in this sleepy, backwards town worth it. She could see some of the appeal of the mysterious lady vampire. </p><p>“‘Beware of lesbians’ or ‘Beware, lesbians’?” Someone asked, wanting clarification on the phrasing before creation of the signs.</p><p>“Yes,” came the ambiguous answer from the first voice. “How else would you keep people away from the castle with the lesbian vampiress?” </p><p>The idea passed and signs reading: “Beware Lesbians” were placed around the perimeter of the castle along with the caution rope. </p><p>Women kept disappearing and the rope was missing, prompting another meeting of the Order of the Flaming Fools.</p><p>“Looks like the signage isn’t working.” Arthur announced, looking down at one of the signs. “Like, how hard is it to read? We are teaching them to read, so what part of ‘Beware lesbians’ and stay away from the evil vampiress’ castle, is hard to follow?!”</p><p>“So we could add something to make it sound more dangerous like: Quarantine,” announced Mr. Fudge, the man who suggested the signs in the first place.</p><p>“Aren’t vampiresses already dangerous?”</p><p>“So it would read: ‘Beware Lesbians Quarantine’?” Cut in, the person Hermione now called the signman.</p><p>“Oh god that sounds horrible!” remarked Arthur. They were backwards but not barbaric. “Add an apostrophe.” </p><p>“So Beware Lesbians’ Quarantine?!” Signman shouted. “People are going to want to know what they are quarantining.”</p><p>“Ugh, why not address why women keep disappearing?” Oh, good finally someone with <em>some</em> semblance of common sense.</p><p>At this point, Hermione stopped caring who was saying what. They were all idiots.</p><p>“Oh god they know!? ABOUT THE L-E-S-B-I-A-N VAMPIRE?!!”</p><p>“Why are you spelling it out? This is a secret meeting.” </p><p>Hermione rolled her eyes, a ‘secret’ meeting that nearly half the town could hear from the shouting. </p><p>“Besides, it’s not like women will toss themselves at the dangerous vampiress.” </p><p>It was becoming very clear he did not know what he was talking about, and the ‘missing’ women were evidence of it.</p><p>“We just need to keep those people away.”</p><p>“Pick something to put on the sign that will keep them out and disinterested!”</p><p>“So a sign like ‘Beware Lesbians: Gratuitous Hettiness Inside’ should keep them away from the castle, right?”</p><p>The old signs were removed and modified to the new and <em>very</em> effective ‘Beware Lesbians: Gratuitous Hettiness Inside.’ </p><p>More women were missing. </p><p>Hermione rolled her eyes. It’s not like the vampiress was the talk of the town where everyone including those who basically lived under a rock knew about her.</p><p>“I don’t know why the signs aren’t working. It should deter them.”</p><p><em>“No, its basically lesbian bait!”</em> Hermione wanted to shout.</p><p>“No! What we need is a vampire hunter. A lesbian vampire hunter.”</p><p>From the moment the vampire hunter walked in the town, Hermione knew they would never see her again. It looked like lesbian vampire hunter was taken to mean a vampire hunter who was a lesbian not a vampire hunter who hunts lesbian vampires.</p><p>Hermione took a stroll around sunset. It was nice because most people had started to avoid being outside when the sun went down. One could never be too cautious with a predator around, who knows when it might strike again.</p><p>“Are you sure you want to be out here?” called out a smooth voice from behind her. “It’s almost sunset, you know.”</p>
<hr/><p>She turned around and eyed the peculiar figure. It was a hot summer day and yet the mysterious woman wore a heavy cloak over her dark attire. A vampire or a weird forest dwelling witch? “You’re one to talk being out here and all.”</p><p>“I’m not afraid of anything including creatures in the dark.” That wasn’t entirely a lie. </p><p>After being turned into a vampire, Bellatrix considered vampire hunters to be her worst enemy and biggest threat, never did she consider the possibility that she would be pestered by gay women. Every. Single. Night. It was like they came from another town. They had to at this point, there was simply no way this town had that many lesbians.</p><p>At first Bellatrix was okay with humouring them, they got to have a fun time and she got dinner without having to step a foot into town, but things were getting ridiculous. Like the lesbian ‘vampire hunter’ breaking down her door and being the direct reason why she had to come into town for supplies.</p><p>“Neither am I,” replied the beautiful woman in front of her.</p><p>Bellatrix grinned, without flashing her fangs. “So I guess you wouldn’t want me to talk you home then?”</p><p>“I do not.”</p><p>“Fair enough.” Bellatrix was slightly disappointed but she did have a door to fix to keep out the weather and most importantly the raging lesbians. Although, she might make an exception for a certain brunette. “Perhaps another time?”</p><p>“Maybe.” </p><p>Well, ‘maybe’ wasn’t a ‘no’. Bellatrix smiled, perhaps they would meet again.</p>
<hr/><p>A few weeks passed and it was very clear the vampire hunter failed. A body had not appeared but it was assumed the vampiress killed her.</p><p>Hermione was busy wondering why she answered the woman with maybe. It was clear she was probably the vampire the town feared, but she was pretty. Oh no, she fell for her vampiress charms. Or maybe she was already attracted to women? It would explain her glances at Ron’s sister or her admiration of that attractive French traveler. But it was just admirat—yeah she wasn’t fooling herself anymore. She was gay and that explains the lack of attraction to her fiancé.</p><p>The meeting around her continued.</p><p>“Maybe we could talk to her and beg her to stop.”</p><p>“Okay, but who should do it? He might end up dead like the vampire hunter.”</p><p>“I’ll do it!” </p><p>The room fell silent. </p><p>Hermione wasn’t expecting them to hear her and pay attention. Hermione frowned. So they could hear her all the other times and chose not to. They didn’t deserve her anyways.</p><p>“Hermione,” Ron shouted, concerned, “You can’t do that. She’s dangerous.”</p><p>Well that just meant she had to do it. With that, she bolted from the room before anyone could stop her and stole a horse. </p><p>It was night when she arrived at the vampire’s castle. The massive front door looked new like it was recently repaired. She banged on the door.</p><p>A familiar tired and angry shout came from the other side. “I’M COMING! DON’T BREAK DOWN MY DOOR! I JUST FIXED THE DAMNED THING!”</p><p>The door swung open, greeting Hermione with a very disheveled and grumpy vampiress.</p><p>Her frown turned into a broad fangy smile. “So you came after all.” She stepped aside, inviting her into the castle. The vampiress fiddled with her cloak having realized her messy appearance. Once everything was in order she spoke again with an air of regality. “Welcome to my castle! Bellatrix Black,” she introduced, taking Hermione’s hands into her own. “And you are?”</p><p>“Hermione. G-Granger.” She said, trying not to lose it as the vampire smiled and kissed her hand. Gay. She was most definitely gay and was enjoy every second of this.</p><p>“Hermione, what a lovely name,” she heard, whispered into her ear. “Would you like to join me for dinner?”</p><p>“YES!”</p>
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